How Palmolive® ruined my sex life, and other things you need to know to treat phimosis

By age 35, the body modification crowd usually settles down, gets a nice job in insurance and begins to wonder if the ability to pull a kielbasa though it’s collective earlobes is still compatible with its lifestyle.

Yet it’s 11pm and here I am, a father of three, dredging ebay for a deal on a new pair of silicone flesh tunnels. I’m holding rulers up to the screen.  Should I order the glow-in-the-dark hearts or the pink skulls? flesh tunnels - pink skulls I’m not getting piercings. I want to help my body to do what it should have done when I was 10 years old.  Maybe I didn’t play with myself enough. Maybe I was doing it wrong. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I refused to step into a bathtub without a cupful of Palmolive® dish detergent.

How-to-Make-Bath-Time-Fun-for-Kids
Forget Mr. Bubble. Only Palmolive® offered the finest suds for my luxurious boyhood bubble baths

Whatever the reason, instead of stretching open, my foreskin sealed up tighter than a Burmese python in spandex. I didn’t discover I was different until two weeks ago. Now I’m trying to help it along, so I can avoid a circumcision. I’ve grown very attached to my foreskin. It represents 100% of my sensitivity up till now.

Here are some of the tools that you’ll need if you want to take matters into your own hands. Everything here has worked for countless men on the Phimosis Discussion Board.

Steroid cream

I’ve already gone to the doctor and cajoled a tube of betamethasone cream. Betamethasone is a moderately potent corticosteroid that is commonly prescribed to fix a non-retracting foreskin in children. As I explained in a previous entry, it breaks down collagen in the skin, making it loose and pliable. Studies have shown that Mometasone Furoate 0.1% (Elocom) will also work.

betamethasone cream

Steroid cream is not necessary for foreskin stretching, but it speeds the progress.

Your Hands

Most men with phimosis can resolve it by pulling at their foreskin for 10 to 20 minutes each day for a few weeks.method8Unfortunately, for me to do this I’d need the fingers of a gerbil. (Don’t even think about tweezers! That’s setting yourself up for injury and scarring, which will set you back months.)

That’s why I need:

Flesh Tunnels

Flesh tunnels can stretch ear lobes to massive proportions. They’re measured in gauges for Americans, and millimetres for the rest of humanity. Phimocure offers a model tweaked just for foreskin, but at 10mm, the smallest is far too large for me. Instead, I ordered a complete set of silicone flesh tunnels from ebay for $20. Flesh tunnels

While I was waiting for my order to come from Hong Kong, I picked up a pair from a local Ardene. I had to cut the end off [the flesh tunnel] to get it to fit.

20141126_134950
Aren’t they glamorous?

In retrospect, I would have been better off getting the Phimocure rings, which are designed for the purpose. In any case, flesh tunnels of any kind are not practical until your opening is at least 10mm wide.

Plumber’s Tape

Here’s a trick from the ear-stretching folks. PTFE (Teflon) is one of the most frictionless materials ever created. It’s safe to use in the human body, and can be sterilized with alcohol. You can wrap it around a flesh plug or flesh tunnel to create in-between sizes. Although it’s not sticky, it mushes together when you press it down so it won’t unravel. Available from your hardware store, PTFE tape is approximate 3.5 mils (thousandths of an inch) thick. Each six layers wrapped will add approximately 1 mm in diameter to your flesh tunnel. applying PTFE tape to a flesh plug Even if you don’t need it, I highly recommend wrapping it (the flesh tunnel) with at least one layer of tape for comfort. I found the snipped end of the flesh plug would stab my glans and I’d be afraid to walk. The tape is a nice soft coat and I can even wear it around my kids, who enjoy slamming head-first into my crotch whenever they want attention.

Lube & Cleaners

At the pharmacy, pick up some lubricant (the gentlest most “sensitive skin” kind you can find). It really helps with insertion. You’ll also want a bottle of 70% isopropyl rubbing alcohol. This solution will easily kill any bacteria or virus on the things you are sticking in your penis. (99% is not better because more water is needed to penetrate a bacterium’s cellular wall.) Note: This will not kill certain STDs.

Coconut oil from the supermarket smells great, it works as a lubricant and will cure or prevent yeast infections.
Coconut oil from the supermarket smells great and it’s safe to use as a lubricant. Plus, it has delicious flavour!

While you’re there, you might as well get a tube of clotrimazole vagina cream. Flesh tunnels seal moisture against your skin, fueling the growth of the yeast fungus that is always present. I use a kid’s medicine syringe to squeeze in 1 mL nightly to keep it under control.

Canesten clotrimazole cream for yeast infections, in drug store
One tube will last a long time.

The Phimosis Discussion Board

Each month about 50 men post on this discussion board convinced that their penises are beyond help. Post your story, and the moderator Jim will patiently reassure you that you are not alone, and if you read some of the other posts, you’ll learn all there is to know about fixing it through stretching.

It took a bit of work, but I managed to fit my 3mm flesh plug into my tiny foreskin opening. Here’s what it looks like:

Bill Cosby with cigar
After inserting the flesh plug into my foreskin, I looked down and saw: Bill Cosby

Just kidding. Read my story from the start when I was shocked to find out I was different, and how my wife found out. Or, if you really want to see my penis, it’s a click away.

Follow me on Twitter for foreskin jokes and instant updates on the status of my penis. @PhimosisJourney

6 thoughts on “How Palmolive® ruined my sex life, and other things you need to know to treat phimosis

  1. Hi i went through the first years of my life able to pull my foreskin all the way back i develop phimosis after a swelling of my penis head where the skin was traped back for a couple of days and when it went back over i proceeded to wash it.
    In the morning it hurted alot to get it back over just and tore if i prolonged it. It hasnt went over since, i migrated from my homeland and the doctors here wont prescribe a skin stretching cream for me. i lost my girlfriend because of it and i just want to feel normal again

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  2. Hiii i m also suffering problem of phimosis of level 5. My tip is nt seen out there . i m facing severe pain during urination ..what can i do plz suggest some home made solution

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  3. It’s interesting that you attribute your pinhole phimosis to Palmolive or “not playing with yourself enough”….
    I think if that was the cause then cases such as yours would be much more commonplace.
    My guess is that it was either damage from forced retraction in infancy, or damage from fungal infection.
    Or possibly both. The former can cause the latter.
    Healthy foreskin is naturally very elastic in nature, but tearing and the scarring resulting from that can cause it to loose it’s elasticity, which is what seems to have happened here.
    A lot of parents and doctors in North America are very ignorant on care of the intact penis and think the infant foreskin needs to be force retracted and cleaned with soap daily to prevent infection.
    Those actions are almost guaranteed to cause infection and possible long term damage, which will then give doctors another chance to circumcise when the boy later comes in with problems caused by bad care.

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