“Normally, we give this to two-year-olds, but…”

Went to the doctor’s office today. I told them on the phone: “I’m self treating for phimosis, and I’d like to discuss it with him.” So he was all ready to meet me:

funny-scary-quack-bad-doctor-surgeon-isolated-18402848

Just kidding. My Canadian doctor is like Dr. House; he sends his interns in first. I explained to the fresh-faced med student about how I was Googling for penises one day and noticed that “foreskin retraction” meant much more than I ever realized. I explained how I had delayed no ejaculation during intercourse, and — yes — although I have three children, we had to “work around” the problem to obtain them (I left that part up to his imagination).

I told him that I was about to embark on a regimen of stretching, and thought it prudent to check with a real doctor rather than some internet forum.

SNAP — on went those latex gloves and I dropped my drawers to demonstrate the difficulty.

doogie
“WOW,” he exclaimed, “that really is a small hole!”

After typing in all this information, including the phrase “tiny prepucial orifice” into his Windows XP computer, he left to check with his supervisor, no doubt to be instructed on the art of understatement.

Hours later, in walks Dr. House. Except in real life he talks just like Ned Flanders. I am not making this up.

“Well although it’s a little un-diddly-usual to have a non-retractable foreskin at your age,” he said, “I’m sure if we can fix it you’ll be A-OK in the old ejaculatory department!”

ned

He was already carrying a prescription for betamethasone cream.

“This is the same stuff I give to two year olds, ” he continued. “Try it for six weeks, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll give you a referral to a urologist.”

I went to the supermarket and filled out my prescription for $5. I had mixed emotions. There was no big fight. Nobody had even mentioned the C-word. Although he’d never heard of them, he was totally fine with me shoving flesh tunnels and other “dilation tools” up my foreskin.

But will this tiny bottle of cream really fix TEN YEARS OF DISAPPOINTING SEX?

creamApparently I need to pick up a few things from the hardware store to help.

9 thoughts on ““Normally, we give this to two-year-olds, but…”

  1. My son is 7 years old. He has itching problem at his penis area from the age of 2. We have told him many times to not do as he will get hurt. Whenever he is alone he is trying to rub his penis with a pillow or jumping on a pillow. Whenever he does that I feel very bad. His foreskin is easily retracted and urine is also normal. But still he has itching and he rubs it on bed before sleeping. He had swelling and redness at penis 4- 5 times. The swelling reduces after the puss comes out. Doc says its normal and will be ok. Other doc says you can go for operation. Is it phimosis? Should we go for an operation? Is it not possible to cure without operation? Please guide. I am very worried for my child

    Like

    1. Of course it is normal. The sensations your child have are PLEASANT and not an itching like after an ant bite.
      The redness and swelling is caused because he overdoes it. Also humping a pillow can be a bit rough. Try to teach your son to mastubate lying on his back and using his hands and maybe a lubricant like palm oil.

      Like

  2. Hey, there! Until three days ago, I didn’t even know that I have phimosis. I never gave a thought to the shape of my penis. I am 22 and half. I get the normal erections, whenever I want. Have been doing good in my life. No pain while urinating. No problem in masturbation. By seeing the pictures provided, it looks like I have type three. Just the tip of the head is visible. Sometimes smegma occurs, but I wash that easily away.

    Since I have just started reading about this thing, I am very concerned. I didn’t even ever think that something is unusual with me. Now I have three major concerns. The first and foremost is getting cured, if that is necessary. Second, the smegma and the penile cancer. Third, my sexual life and the ability to have children (I started masturbation just six months ago; not a problem I have faced and I get a normal semen ejaculation). Even after watching porn and other stuff, It never occurred to me that I am abnormal because I thought that I am uncircumcised so the penis is the way it should be. I am at least 4 years away from marriage (the arranged marriage culture in India). I never have had sex with anyone yet.

    I do not think that I have anything lacking but after reading about this I have come to realize that something is certainly missing. In nutshell, I want to feel confident again, indulge in normal sex like everybody else is having in this world and don’t want to get penile cancer. And I fear all the procedures mentioned. I just don’t know what to do. Why did this happen with me? Please help!

    Like

    1. This is something where if you did not know about it, you would not be worried and you would not have any problems. But now that you know about it you want to solve it.

      Do not worry about smegma. It does not usually happen with type 1 phimosis, because urine washes it away. Penile cancer is very rare and it is not worth worrying about either. Thirdly, since you can ejaculate without problems, you will have no issues having children or with your sex life.

      However, sex is improved with a normally functioning foreskin, and you can stretch it yourself, using your fingers or two cotton swabs (Q-tips). Stretch daily three or five times and you will have a much improved penis by the time you are married.

      Like

  3. I finally got to see a urologist today. The physical examination lasted about 20 seconds, just long enough to for him to visually identify phimosis. He showed no interest in manually examining the lumps, or even enquiring about symptoms.

    His immediate recommendation was for circumcision or dorsal slit. When I asked about alternatives, he said that Preputioplasty is only undertaken where phimosis is accompanied by another condition (I didn’t memorise the name) which, he said, I do not have.

    When I asked about corticosteroid cream, he replied “It won’t work”, with fixed smile.

    The lumps, he said, were probably accretions of smegma lodged under the glans. I explained that the “ballooning” of urination and my cleaning regime have kept me smegma free since my teens. “Well, we won’t know what the problem is until we can look inside”, he smilingly observed.

    I then asked if there were no tools available to diagnose the lumps. Not without risking damage, was his reply.

    What if I were to use the cream to enlarge the aperture sufficiently for the tools to be used safely? To this, he acquiesced. He’ll ask my doctor to make the prescription and will see me again in a few months. I omitted to enquire about the actual diameter of aperture will be required, so will have to attempt to pin him down on this via letter.

    The consultation was disappointing. It was clear that cutting was, for him, the indisputable first step toward diagnosis. Perhaps, if I’d proved less confrontational, he’d have taken the time to discuss possible diagnoses in more depth, but I doubt it. That he made no attempt to outline any risks involved in delaying a diagnosis, some people might interpret as indicating no need of urgency, but the fact that – despite knowing there’d be a delay of months before a close examination was possible – he still saw no reason to undertake a manual examination or enquire after symptoms, does not inspire confidence.

    So, it looks like I’ll be joining you on the stretching path – at least some of the way.

    Once there’s progress, I’ll buy a cheap USB endoscope and do my own investigation.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ken, thanks for the story. I’ve already encountered people who are shocked that we can live with phimosis. It’s not a disease. It’s just unusual, and some even prefer it.
    Please keep me posted.

    Like

  5. I’m a UK based pinholee in my early ’50s, and have just been referred to a urologist due to some pimple like lumps that have manifested themselves around the perimeter of the glans. One of the lumps causes pain when my penis is erect and pressure is applied. There’s been no bleeding or discharge. My doctor said it was unlikely to be serious, possibly benign cysts of some kind. Impossible to see them with the naked eye of course, and I’m wondering what the urologist will suggest.

    The doc made the anticipated “it’s very small isn’t it” remark (minus the “WOW”), and said the uro will discuss how this might be dealt with. I’m obviously concerned that surgery of some form will be recommended, as providing the quickest route to a definite diagnosis. But if a distant comet can be photographed and analysed, surely the inside of a foreskin is within the grasp of technology! As with everything in our National Health Service, it’s likely to be a matter of cost/benefit.

    I saw a urologist about 15 years ago on another matter. His reaction to the phimosis indicated that he’d never encountered it in so severe a form. He gave me quizzical look and said “Doesn’t it interfere with your sexual function?” When I replied in the negative he gave me a strangely contemptuous look, as if I were guilty of some mysterious perversion. Baffling. Hopefully he’ll have relocated by now.

    My wife likes my organ the way it is and – despite curiosity about the experience of glans exposure – I’m leaning toward avoiding surgery if possible. I’ve enjoyed reading your account and will keep you posted.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s