“I’m unhappy with my penis,” I told my wife

With the crying baby, an inquisitive five year old, and a three year old story-telling chatterbox, my wife and I don’t get a lot of time to talk, despite spending at least six hours together each day.

But I had to bring her in on my plans somehow. The thought of it made me sick. With a single look, she could veto the whole thing. All I had was advice from a random chatroom on the Internet. I hadn’t even seen a doctor yet.

I was distracted the entire day, trying to find a way to bring it up. Time was growing short.

At nightfall, she was brushing her teeth as we worked through the daily administrivia.

So tell me about your day!
So tell me about your day, honey!

“..so because of my appointment WHIRRR SPLISH SPLASH,” she spat, “I need to you drive Katrina to ballet WHIRRRR SPLASH on Wednesday. WHIRR WHIRR SPIT”

“No problem, dear! Can we talk for a second?”

“Sure WHIRR WHIRR what’s on your mind? SPLASH SPIT”

“I’m unhappy with my penis.”

While she finished brushing, I demonstrated how my foreskin didn’t retract at all, and explained that in your Standard Model Penis, the pee-hole was actually much larger and should roll open, allowing the glans to protrude.

I told her about surgeries, Dorsal Slit, and preputioplasty, which could result in an ugly scar.

“Don’t worry about that, honey,” she soothed. “I think all penises are ugly.”

I explained how I wanted to try stretching it, because it worked for random people on the Internet, and not to worry if strange packages full of “Flesh Tunnels” started to arrive in the mail.

We sat on the floor in our pajamas and Googled for penises together.  We gawked at the images that popped up, and I found a video of a foreskin retraction.

The shraders watch TV
My wife and I react to videos of how a foreskin is supposed to work

“See,” she said, cheerfully jabbing a finger at the screen, “Ugly!”

I love how honest and supportive she is. She had no problem with my trying to stretch it out myself and offered to let me raid her collection of knitting supplies to find a suitable object.

“I want you to do what makes you happy,” she told me.

 That’s why I married her. I can’t begin to tell you the relief that comes with telling her my secret.

The only thing is: she made me promise to go to the doctor. You won’t believe what happened there!

Follow my journey on Twitter: @PhimosisJourney

4 thoughts on ““I’m unhappy with my penis,” I told my wife

  1. I recently started dating someone, and his penis is very different. He most definitely has phimosis.. I want to ask him if he knows it. He can cum, but lasts a long time and sometimes can’t cum at all. It breaks my heart. As for oral and hand jobs I honestly have no clue how to use his penis. It’s just so different the skin slides a bit but very little. I don’t even know how to pleasure him orally. How do I tell him I think he has it or how do I ask him if he knows he has it? He is honestly the most incredibly sweet guy. I care genuinely about him and I want to help.

    Thank you

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    1. For oral and handjobs, whatever you do will feel amazing. Since the skin moves so little, treat as if circumcised. It is best not to stress too much about it. However, now that you know something is up, you may have some trouble not mentioning it! Though he will want to know, hearing it can be quite shocking. I am not sure how to break the news! it is a common question here.

      Like

  2. Didn’t you have sex before finding that? If you had, did it ever cause any problems apart from finding a technique to have babies that you have told elsewhere. Had there been any health problems, related to smegma, pain while urinating or anything like that? I am asking because I have never had…

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    1. I have had no problems with sex other than it lasting forever. This problem, I solved by never masturbating. After that, sex is much faster and better for me.

      I have never had problems with smegma. I had pain when urinating one time but it was solved with yeast infection cream from the drugstore.

      Like

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