Growing up I noticed that my penis was different than my dad’s and my younger brother’s. They were circumcised, but for reasons that have been forever lost, I was not. I didn’t care, and never gave it much thought.
Fast-forward 35 years. I’m in the ultrasound office with my wife and a technician and we learn that we are going to have a baby boy. As we walk/waddle back to the car we are deciding the question of circumcision (my wife likes to get a jump on things).
“Absolutely not!” I say. “My foreskin has served me well.” Besides, I reasoned. All the feeling is there at the tip.
“Well all right then,” she says. “It’s settled.”
I have seen a plethora of penises, in film, on wikipedia, and other great works of art, such as Pirates (2005).
Many photos of penises that I have seen have a foreskin and a glans. If the glans was showing, with its split end and wide opening, it was my understanding that this was due to circumcision. That’s what I told my girlfriend and she was convinced.
My penis looks normal when flaccid. When erect, the foreskin stretches down. The top is smooth and it has a tiny hole at the end. Nothing larger than a toothpick would fit through it. Inside is something that I can barely make out. It is red, moist and glistening.
You can understand my confusion. Mine does everything that people say a foreskin should. It is a fold of skin that covers the glans and retracts when I have an erection. Only my definition of retract was not the same as everyone else’s.
I have a severe case of pinhole phimosis. Thanks Internet. This is the name that will haunt and define me forever now.
Am I normal?
I have been struggling with this question. I can hardly sleep at night. I have no problems peeing. I have slight problems with sex, but no pain or anything. Before today, I had no problems with self image or confidence.
Now I want to be normal. “But,” says my inner voice, “You are normal. There are probably millions of men with your exact condition who live their whole lives without noticing. You already have a fulfilling life. You don’t need to be ‘cured’.”
I love to travel and explore. Whenever I get the chance to be away, no matter what business I have to do the next day, I leave the hotel and take long walks through the entire length of the city. I crave the new and unusual. This is something that has been missing in my new life of routine, with three kids who demand long explanations or cry when things don’t happen the same way as last week.
I need to see this through. I’ve had some good times the way I am.
What lies beneath this small fold of skin? What is this red jewel through the tiny opening? I fantasize that beneath it lies a gift — a new dimension of sensitivity that has been waiting patiently to be unwrapped.
The only question is: How?